Have you ever grated your face? No? Me either. Ouch.
But I have grated knuckles, finger tips and believe or not, a wrist once. In fact, I have one uncle who grated his entire thumb clean right off. And if you’ve ever grated anything, you can imagine how unclean that would actually be.
Though I have to disclose it wasn’t so long ago that I was a bit afeared for my face that one whole day I worked on a line in a real restaurant kitchen. Naive, optimistic and hungry for the chance to create my own menu, I cluelessly donned my whites and pranced in all sunshine and unicorns without knives, training or any idea about how much time I was going spend slaving over the hot deep fryer and a vat of congealed chicken wings.
…There’s a reason line cooks don’t wear make up. And why I worked the front of house for over a decade.
It was two thirds of the way through my shift and between the lunch and dinner rushes. We spent the afternoon par-boiling vegetables, re-stocking the mis en place and making crude jokes about the servers and bartenders.
Note to anyone else who has ever worked front of house and thinks they’re bad-ass in any way shape or form: We got nothing on the kitchen.
So anyhow, it was two thirds of the way through my shift, kitchen was tidy, people were crude and sweaty and all kinds of awesome, and suddenly a giant contraption with a massive metal blade was plonked down before me. Along with about 20 pounds of potatoes. WTF?
I realized – after a quick and dirty tutorial (just how I like it) – that I was to make potatoes. On this. An absurd contraption of steel and blades. Without a hand guard. And it was dull. As fuck.
My greatest fears were realized in that moment: This was how I was going to die.
I made it through about 2 potatoes before I started to have a bit of a mental break and luckily they pulled me off the station, probably knowing full well I’d never cut it in a professional kitchen. At least not one where I had to grate potatoes. I just don’t have “the stuff”… Despite my ability to knock back beer and curse like a sailor. It was then that I admitted to myself, much to my dismay – and shock to my pride – that I was in fact, a front of house kinda gal.
Truthfully, if it weren’t for the oh-so-gross and unhappy chicken wing drawer, I probably would have toughed it out. But that wasn’t the kind of food I wanted to cook. You know me – organic, local, seasonal, pastured meat and eggs, and all that other happy food bullshit. That’s me. Vat of fatty, conventionally processed chicken? Not so much. And I certainly didn’t want to pull an Uncle Blaine and lose a thumb.
So instead, I content myself with cooking at home. And for friends. And the occasional party. But just because I’m not working in a professional kitchen doesn’t mean I don’t want professional grade gear. And like any good knife, the instruments you use to grate, zest or peel your ingredients should be sharp, feel good in your hand and be generally awesome. Like you. And me. Obviously.
Today I’m giving away 1 of 3 Microplane Kitchen Tools (I use all 3 in my own kitchen) to help you not lose a thumb. Or your face. Or your pride.
1. The Microplane® 4-Sided Box Grater with Safety Cover. This 4 sided box features the new extra coarse blade, slicer blade, and two most popular blades, medium ribbon blade and fine blade. Ergonomic, soft grip handle. Easy to clean – the fine blade removes for easy access. The grater is dishwasher safe and rubber footings add stability.
2. The Microplane® Gourmet Series Fine Grater. Derived from the original woodworking tool that made the Microplane® Zester famous, the stainless steel Elite Zester has the same famous razor-sharp rasp and includes a soft-grip handle and a catch feature that makes citrus zesting, spice grating and even mincing garlic easier and more convenient!
3. The Microplane® Elite Series Fine Zester. Made out of stainless steel with an ergonomically designed handle. It always features a non-slip base, reusable cover and is dishwasher safe. It’s ideal for grating all types of citrus peel without lifting off the fruit’s bitter-tasting pith.
Enter the Giveaway:
1. This contest is open to Canadian mailing addresses only and who have reached the age of majority in the province, state or territory in which they reside.
2. MANDATORY: Simply leave a comment below and tell me which of these 3 Microplane tools you’d like and why.
3. BE SURE to click the widget options below for both mandatory and optional entries because you can’t be entered to win if the widget doesn’t know you’ve done it! Your email address is ONLY used to contact you if you’ve won, not for any other purpose, and is never made public.
4. Giveaway closes Sunday night, February 8 at 11:59pm.
Disclosure of Material Connection: Microplane DID provide me a review copy at no cost. Regardless, I only recommend, giveaway or share products or services I use personally and genuinely believe will be of interest to my readers. All opinions, words and information here are entirely accurate and a reflection of my true experience and were not influenced, in any way, by the above mentioned products or companies. Opinions and views are my own. Because that’s how I roll, yo. I’ve never been one to shut my mouth – I’m not going to start now. If something sucks, why would I waste your time? I wouldn’t. Capiche?