Recipe/ Vegetarian

13 Secrets About Black Bean Burgers the Government Is Hiding

I’m about to let you in on a little secret. 12, actually. About black bean burgers. And all the things about them the government is hiding from you. Yes, this is all 100% factual and true. Or something.

And then I’m gonna give you a recipe for black bean burgers that will knock your socks off. Okay, it probably won’t do that. I don’t know any food that will literally knock your socks clean off. Getting hit by a moving vehicle? Perhaps. Food? No. But it WILL be delicious and leave you feeling full, satisfied and a whole lot of good. And I’m not even a vegetarian. Plus they’re tasty to boot.

Black Bean Burgers - Veggie Burgers -

But we’ll get to that. For now. You should probably know the 12 secrets. Right?

1. When the zombie apocalypse goes down, there are lots and lots and lots of black bean burgers for sustenance. You just don’t have access to them. They’re stored in underground, highly secret government bunkers that are being built for the political elite and super rich. And they’re stacked to the balls with lean, healthy, plentiful veggie burgers.

2. They were actually first discovered on the moon. And the Russians were the ones to find them. Because hush hush – they were there first.

3. Aliens. How else would veggie burgers get on the moon?

Fresh Veggies for Veggie Burgers -

4. Big ag and the US government are in cahoots to find out which black bean burgers are the best so they can genetically modify the most popular crops. Like apples. They’ve tapped your phone, are monitoring your internet clicks and tracking your television usage. There are eyes everywhere. 

5. Jesus. You know those 18 years he went MIA? Some claim he was out boozing, sexting, playing darts with his mates and doing the things an adolescent teen boy does. The real truth: He was experimenting with black bean burgers… And he liked it.

6. Dinosaurs existed. They still do. But they’re being sequestered – and flourishing – on a remote island in the South Pacific loaded with veggie burgers, coconut oil and green kale smoothies. And they’ll outlive us all.

Black Bean Veggie Burgers - SheEats.caVegetarian Burgers -

7. Julia Child wasn’t just important in the cooking world. She was also an operative in World War Two for the CIA. What does this have to do with veggie burgers? Nothing. I just thought it was a cool food fact.

8. If it weren’t for Watergate, Russia would still be eating their precious little secret and the USA would never have found out about it. It was the intelligence gained that came from this scandal that led the government to finding out about them. Amongst other things.

9. Kennedy was shot over his unwillingness to share one.

Black Bean Burgers - Veggie Burgers -

10. Black bean burgers are the key to fighting the detrimental effects of Reaganomics. They’re like farmers – good, wholesome, and delicious. Not that I know what a farmer would taste like. But I’d imagine that if you were going to eat a human, they’d be the ones to go for.

Hm. That zombie apocalypse may be here sooner than I thought.

…Quick. To the bunker!

11. George W. Bush. He IS a veggie burger. But the gross icky kind you buy in the supermarket that’s chemically laden, flavourless, pre-packaged, pro-GMO-soy, and totally fake.

12. They’re loaded with fiber which makes you poop more better. Can’t say the same for your grammar though. Or mine.

Black Bean Burgers - Veggie Burgers -

13. Black bean burgers are awesome. They’re just as good as meat burgers. Seriously. If you don’t believe me, let me prove it to you…

Bonus Numero trece (that’s Spanish for 13): I made – and posted – the following recipe years ago. Back then my photography was new (read: bad) and the recipe never really got the love it deserved. So I remade them for the blog 4 years later (almost to the day) and here they are. In all their fresh vegetable, healthy protein, delicious glory.

You want these.

Black Bean Burgers - Veggie Burgers -

Black Bean Burgers





  • 1 (19oz) Can Black Beans, drained and rinsed.
  • 1/2 Red Bell Pepper, cut into 2" pieces.
  • 1/2 White Onion, cut into wedges.
  • 3 Cloves Garlic, peeled.
  • 1 Pastured Egg.
  • 1 Tbsp Chili Powder.
  • 1 Tbsp Cumin.
  • 1 Tsp Sriracha.
  • 1/2 C Whole Wheat Bread Crumbs.
  • 6 Whole Wheat Burger Buns.
  • Burger toppings of your choice (I like kale, sprouts, sauteed mushrooms, avocado, mustard and pickles!).


  1. Pre-heat your oven to 400 degrees F and lightly grease a baking sheet. Set aside.
  2. In a medium bowl, smash black beans. I usually start with my hands to get them going and then finish them with a fork. Get em good and pasty.
  3. Chuck the pepper, onion, and garlic into a food processor and pulse until finely chopped. This only takes a few seconds. Don't pulverize them too long though or you'll end up with a liquidy mess. Stir into mashed beans.
  4. In a small bowl, whisk together egg, chili powder, cumin, and sriracha. Dump into mashed bean/veggie mixture and combine well.
  5. Mix in bread crumbs until the mixture is sticky and holds together. You may or may not need to add another 1/4 C of breadcrumbs depending on the water content of your veggies.
  6. Divide mixture into six portions. Careful not to man-handle them too much, roll/shape into balls in the palm of your hand and squish into patties - if you play with them too much they won't stick together.
  7. Place on the baking sheet and bake in the oven about 12 minutes - gently flip - and bake 12 minutes more.
  8. Remove from the oven and serve with whatever toppings you prefer.
  9. Eat.

Do you have a go-to recipe for veggie burgers? Ever try one? What is your government hiding from you? Know any good conspiracies? Who’s hungry right now?

  • Jacqueline Gum
    February 25, 2015 at 1:37 PM

    Ya know../I’ve never tried a black bean burger!! You might surmise that I’ve been living under a rock for many years, OR that O’m a dinosaur, currently sequestered. But now that I’ve already devoured this with my eyes, I simply have to go get the makings and try one for real.

    • Kristy Gardner
      February 26, 2015 at 2:14 PM

      I do not think you’ve been living under a rock at all Jacqueline. I think they’re something a lot of people never get around to trying if they haven’t given vegetarianism a shot at some point. It’s like “A burger? A burger has meat!” And I totally get that.

      PS. You aren’t a dinosaur either. Though if you were we’d be great friends. I love dinosaurs.

  • Becky
    February 25, 2015 at 1:57 PM

    Black bean burgers are one of those quick go-to dinners I forget about, until I need a quick dinner. I love that I can make them ahead of time, chill and then throw them in the oven at the last minute. Also? They freeze beautifully. (okay, that last fact is why I really love them. Make a huge batch and GO!)
    Our favorite black bean burgers are when I take leftover black beans in mango sauce (from Mollie Katzen’s Vegetable Heaven) and turn those into patties. In fact, my family pretty much won’t eat the first version because they love the burger version so much. Try it sometime.

    • Kristy Gardner
      February 26, 2015 at 2:15 PM

      Yes Becky! I love to freeze them too – they make for such quick and healthy meals. Agreed.

      PS. You have mango sauce in your burgers?! I must try that!!! Putting it on the list πŸ™‚

  • Chelsea @ Chelsea's Healthy Kitchen
    February 26, 2015 at 8:53 AM

    These look phenomenal – the photography is awesome!

    One of my favourite veggie burgers is one from Oh She Glows – I think she calls it her “Perfect Veggie Burger”. But I’ve only made it twice I think because I’m always trying out new recipes. Definitely need to give this one a try!

    Pretty sure the government is behind this cold winter we’re having in Ontario. I don’t know what their scheme is… but I’m onto them. πŸ˜‰
    Chelsea @ Chelsea’s Healthy Kitchen recently published…Fried Egg on Toast with Herb OilMy Profile

    • Kristy Gardner
      February 26, 2015 at 2:16 PM

      Thanks Chelsea!

      I’ve never even tried her veggie burger. Can you believe it? Must add it the list along with the mango infused one Becky just suggested.

      PS. hahaha – definitely the government’s fault. Let’s write letters.

  • Simply called food
    February 26, 2015 at 8:58 AM

    Beautiful pictures and awesome recipe! I love black beans!
    Simply called food recently published…Butternut squash cookiesMy Profile

    • Kristy Gardner
      February 26, 2015 at 2:17 PM

      Me tooooooooo Annabel! There’s something so nourishing about them, isn’t there? Thank you for stopping in and taking the time to say hi. Hey πŸ˜‰

  • Anna @Green Talk
    February 26, 2015 at 5:41 PM

    I love black bean burgers! By the way, your post was hilarious.

    I second your awesome pictures.

    • Kristy Gardner
      March 4, 2015 at 3:41 PM

      haha thanks Anna! I’m glad you enjoyed it πŸ™‚ I was a bit afeared I was gonna make everyone think I was a crazy nut job. Glad you saw the humor my friend! Thanks for taking the time to say hello πŸ™‚

  • Emily @ Recipes to Nourish
    February 28, 2015 at 11:18 AM

    You crack me up! Gorgeous photos + lovely recipe.
    Emily @ Recipes to Nourish recently published…Gluten Free Cheddar Drop BiscuitsMy Profile

    • Kristy Gardner
      March 4, 2015 at 3:42 PM

      Thank you Emily! Long as you aren’t an egg, we’re good πŸ˜‰

  • Emily Smith
    March 1, 2015 at 7:50 AM

    Didn’t know the government was working so hard these days! Great post, pictures and recipes!

  • Meghan@CleanEatsFastFeets
    March 1, 2015 at 7:31 PM

    I love these. For reals, they look just as juicy and steamy as the secrets you shared. Well except George W. He’s all dried out and crusty.

  • Jayme Henderson
    March 2, 2015 at 3:23 PM

    I am hurting from laughing so hard! I was imagining Jesus sexting and experimenting with burgers. And George Bush IS a veggie burger! Baahahhahaha! I will make these, and I will report back to you. I have never (embarrassingly!!) ever made my own veggie burger before, but I do have some favorite spots in town to eat them. And the Denver International Airport has some CRAZY conspiracy theories – check it out –
    See?! It’s a real thing! I spent about an hour researching it and came to, thankfully. There are rumors of a large, underground bunker underneath the airport for the super-rich and super-informed. I think we should send DIA your recipe!
    PS – You have the recipe to use the craziest (and very click-worthy) hashtags in this post! #Jesus #JFK #zombieapocolypse #georgebush
    PPS – A little trivia for you – back in the day, when I was a member of the Republican party (only because I was following my family’s lead – things are different now!), I did the calligraphy for one of Jeb Bush’s campaign dinners. I had no idea what I was doing, but I said I was a calligrapher anyway! ….ooops! πŸ˜‰

    • Kristy Gardner
      March 4, 2015 at 3:44 PM

      BAHAHAHAHA! I just literally laughed out loud in the cafe. Sexy Jesus! haha

      I have to admit I’m a bit shocked by the fact that you haven’t made your own veggie burgers. Shocked. That being said, I’m goign to go look up Denver international airport conspiracies now because while it’s a travesty you haven’t made veggie burgers, it’s down right shameful that I don’t know about the crazy antics of Denver International.

      PS. those are the best hashtags ever. EVER.

      PPS. You were a Republican?! You’re forgiven πŸ˜‰

      PPPS. I owe you an email. I know it.

  • Michelle
    March 5, 2015 at 6:43 AM

    Love it and want to eat it now! Beautiful photos!
    Michelle recently published…Easy Meal – Steak Thai Summer SaladMy Profile

  • Amy Ruth
    March 5, 2015 at 11:55 AM

    Duuuuuuuuuuude. This looks amaaaazeeeeing. Adding to my must make list!

  • Amanda @ Once Upon a Recipe
    March 6, 2015 at 10:07 PM

    Well after laughing my way through this post, all I want is a black bean burger. These look amazing, and seriously, I want one. Really, really bad. Please, can I have one?
    Amanda @ Once Upon a Recipe recently published…Overnight Oats!My Profile

  • Raquel 'Ra' Brown
    March 7, 2015 at 10:55 PM

    You successfully combined two of my favorite things: healthy food and government conspiracy. πŸ™‚ Can’t wait to try your recipe. Haven’t had black bean burgers in a grip, should be a nice change of pace.
    Love& light.

  • Best Canadian Food Blogs Right Now | Roasted
    April 11, 2015 at 5:01 AM

    […] laugh the entire night long. Β But guess what, she’s got kick-ass recipes too like the above Black Bean Burgers (which she somehow ties into government secrets), Pumpkin Bruschetta, Arugula Pesto Crostini and […]

  • A Culinary Blog Tour | The Endless Meal
    April 19, 2015 at 3:28 PM

    […] food and tasty cocktails. Need more convincing? Check out her Dirty Sexy Coffee Drinks: Shafts, 13 Secrets about Black Bean Burgers the Government is Hiding, Devour It with a Spoon Lemon Curd, Grilled Salted Carmel Dark Chocolate Coffee Sandwiches. Oh, and […]

  • Chelsea's Healthy Kitchen
    February 22, 2016 at 6:31 AM

    I made these with a friend a few weekends ago and they were awesome! We found we had to add a bit more breadcrumbs (probably because we didn’t fully drain the beans fully) but otherwise it worked out perfectly. Definitely a make again recipe!

    • Kristy Gardner
      February 26, 2016 at 9:39 AM

      Chels!! That’s amazing – yay! I make these ALL the time, almost every week. So I’m glad they worked for you too. Depending on the size of your breadcrumbs and even the moisture content in the air, you may need to adjust slightly. Altitude has a huge effect on moisture so that would make sense. I’m glad you liked them πŸ™‚

      ….Totally gonna make some myself tonight now. Thanks for that πŸ˜‰
      Kristy Gardner recently published…Classic French Madeleines: Lemon Earl Grey + Vanilla Bean Dark ChocolateMy Profile